Mmmmm.....

What happened to me saying what's on my mind? What's on my mind is that sometimes there is just too much information on the internet. Privacy. Voyuerism. I do strive for that so called "individuality." And considering that truth is so relative, why not just say you never know? I can't live that way. I have to have convictions of truth, wether they weather time or not, I should sitll have them. But, have the strength to let it go easily when the truth changes.

I am chewing a piece of 3 hour old trident. My 9 year old sister and i had bubble blowing and popping contests as we bopped to Madonna and QOTSA in the car while my mom was in Home De-pot exchanging some fukcing knob. I promised my sister i'd give her my silver loops when i get some bigger ones. Can a nine year old kid be coller than me? Yup.

I got all cranky when i got home, though. For a variety of reasons. Earlier today, me and the roomie were talking about us liking a boy quickly being different than a boy liking us quickly (which turns us off). She said it is different and its okay for us to make that decision becuase we are far more perceptive in that situtaion. I'll give an example:

Boy: "I love you" Boy's inner monologue: "You're like cute and stuff and you like like do cool stuff. Can we fuck?"

Girl (not me but hypothetcally like me): "I love you" Girl's possible inner monologue: "You are cute and talented and perceptive and independent and i think we can continue to learn from each and have fun with each other and I want to know you better everyday so that i can appreciate you more becuase i think are a really amazing person and i realize that you have sucky qualities, as we all do, but I can recognize that and i don't want you to be perfect. I don't need you to be happy, but i'd like to have you in my life."

And the boy that I would say this to, and not by chance, would not have the inner monologue of the boy in the example.

My armpit smells like man deodorant. I hate wearing deodorant, and my armpits usually don't smell too bad, but today! Woo hoo! Although i often take the commuter train during rush hour, i have removed myself from the pace of commuters. I walk slower, observe it as I am a ghost, or like i'm in a parallel dimension. They are matter I am antimatter. I never look like a grown up, i'm mismatched and desheveled, pigtails and hoops. On the ride home today, it was hard to think. I drank too much coffee and my mind was like a fucking mexican jumping bean in my skull. The train ride usually ends up being one of calm contemplation or zoning out on the scenery. Today I was distracted and nervous. I don't like the single level trains, they put this clear sticky film on the windows that bubbles and blurs as it ages to the point that it's impossible to watch the scenery without feeling cheated. I love coming into Worcester, seeing the triple deckers on the hill off Shrewsbury Street makes my heart well up with happy bubbles. I know I'm the only one who truly loves this city, and i claim it as my own, for i took it into my heart and loved it when everyone else spit on it and stomped on it and talked shit about it even when they were sucking the marrow from its bones.