I feel like i have nothing to say. This can't be reality becuase I've been thinking here, sitting here, alone for three hours. What have I been thinking about? It's like trying to lasso a tornado with dental floss and see what's spinning inside it. And maybe tornado is the right word. Maybe everything I've been thinking is repeating itself without any conclusion or purpose. I'm sure that I could pin down something, but it would most likely be the same thing i was thinking yesterday with no new twist, no fresh perspective. Drawing helps. Although it is another way to lose oneself. I just need people to get nekkid for me.

My parents sold the second house that they've built, presumably to build again and have a lower mortgage. My stepfather is finally tired of being an auto mechanic and wants to open a restaurant. My mom is trying to convince him to take $10,000 of the profits of the sale and pay off one of my school loans. Choice. When I was in college, i would struggle silently, never telling my parents that I had no money and couldn't eat, let alone buy books or art supplies. Those days are over. My little sister and brother are spoiled. They have smowmoblies and dirt bikes and toys that are thrown to the side, broken and forgotten. I had A toy when i was little. Pay for my goddamned education. Especially becuase I'm not making a living at what I studied.