My emotions are not a roller coaster. I do not feel nauseous and then exalted. They are more like a tilt-a-whirl. I feel dizzy, all the time. Through all the malaise and joy, I still feel dizzy and out of sorts. The question I always find myself asking is �Where am I? No really, what the hell is happening?� And then I laugh. I always laugh. I laugh at the futility of trying to control the world. I think unhappy people have expectations. They think that they have control over all the things that happen and therefore (always!) fail in the sense that things don�t work out to their onion peel erected plans that get steamrolled by LIFE (imagine that!) and in turn hate/blame the world/themselves for it.

Let�s ride the steamroller! Come with me! It�s much more satisfying (!) and fun (!!).

And I�m going to be twenty-four on Tuesday. I hope to hear the doorbell and open the door to the sexy little UPS man with his scandalously (I think so) exposed furry knees. I�m such a Neanderthal.

I want to play skeeball and bowl with the big balls and go on a hike in the crusty-leaved woods up a hill while I drink whiskey out of a flask in the back pocket of my jeans (O, don�t you love how it curves around your cheek?) and when I reach the clearing at the top have a fully-clothed make out session. My funny little ears would be red with the chill.