Okay, I have to write this down because i don't want to forget anything that happened last night, and it won't be entertaining whatsoever.

So, I was waiting tables out on the patio yesterday. These guys came in and asked me if they could sit on the patio, and i said "Well, guys, I've been really busy and usually if there's a dirty table, it's the one these assholes sit at. So, do me a favor and sit at a clean table. Unless you really want the dirty table, then i can go up there and clean it for you." i've done this schtick, and no one ever obeys. It's like when you were a kid and there are a million toys on the floor, but when the other kid starts playing with a toy, you realize you want that toy. (and then your cousin bites you over a snap toy)

Anyway, i immediately get into a conversation with them (these two guys) about how i came to austin to possibly do music and i don't know why i'm here anymore and i laugh, and then the one guy asks me if i'm a songwriter and tells me that he produces a television shows about songwriters aired from Antones. So, i'm thinking this whole time and they're drinking. And these are the type of guys i want to get to know, but seem so cool that i never completely let the construct down of the fact that i'm the waitress, and, no they aren't talking to me because they chose to. But, i decided to throw some bait and see if they would bite. So, i came by and said, "do you babes need a drink?" Throwing the babe comment as bait. and they bit. The one guy said "Well, this babe would like another magarita." And we laughed, and it was good. And we talked some more, and i mentioned that i wouldn't mind having the hair of the ye old dog, and they tried to invite me to sit down and have a drink with them. I told them that i was getting off in ten minutes and i would. No maybe. So I did.

And so it started.

We were immediately yucking it up and being funny and playing off each other. And then another friend shows up, some guy with dreds and sunglasses from the 70s. Equally as engaging and funny. We had two rounds and they wanted to go somwhere else, asking about maybe karaoke. And they invited me. And it was good. So i did.

Next, dreds guy(Robert) went to park his motorcycle at the apartment, and i went with the other two guys(Roy, the austin music producer and Derek "Venus" the actor/playwright) to check out The Hideout's thearter becuase Roy is producing Venus's play here. They walked in totally obnoxious as fuck and i said, as the door slaps behind me "don't listen to these guys, they're assholes."

We go back to Roy's apartment which is on 6th street (the major bar/club area) and Roy puts on some Motown. Venus immediately starts doing all the great Temptation-style dances with the best physical comedy i've seen in a long time. And then Roy comes out of his bedroom and runs and slides on his knees into the living room with the rockstar. And i freaked out inside. I was thinking, "Where am i and who are these people and can it never stop?"

Then things happened.

Then we were at the jackalope. have patience, Tara. Okay. Venus and Roy and Robert were on their game, and so was i. I had already tried my hardest to insult all of them, and they treated my insults like compliments. Robert didn't want to go to a few bars because he thought they were pretentious, and i said, "you know what pertentious, your dreds and wooden beads. And he agreed!!! I can't tell you how awesome that was. These two guys, Kevin and Beard Guy show up. I told Robert that his sunglasses were ridonkulous. And they all turn to me with gaping faces. Robert asked if i had heard them say that tonight. I said, no, i (even though i think that might not have been my actual invention) I have been into Crank Yankers and i really liked this one Tracy Morgan skit that talks about the "Badonkadonk" butt. And Ridonkulous came from that for me. Thay said that they made that word up two years ago. They started freaking out at the coincidence. And we all high fived, and they told me how they all couldn't believe i became part of their inner circle in the span of an hour. But it felt like that, like i was totally precut from the same cloth, but the cloth is handmade in southeast asia. The whole time, all the boys were giving me so much physical space. i mean, we were in this half moon booth and they were all sitting smooshed together on one side, but when kevin and beard guy came, we had to squeeze in and Roy kept touching his knee to mine and he told me that he wanted to make out with me before the night was over. of course, i said yee haw. Kevin and beard guy are in a band called Dragon something and They all have long hairand Kevin had just got a haircut and everyone else was hating on it. (And can i tell you what an adorable human being kevin was, well they all were, but he is just so open and precious and has this sweet face) I lovedhis haircut and i told him. I was getting a round of drinks and Roy came up and Kevin was standing bashfully behind him. Roy: "Tara, Kevin also wants to make out with you. Are you okay with that?" And Kevin gives me a sheepish look. Well, sure sure, of course i will. Roy grabs my hand and yells to kevin to follow so we can all make out. kevin doesn't hear and Roy holds my hand dragging me into the alley and skip holding hands around the corner to Lovejoys. He gets us a beer and i'm just trying to figure out the make out situation. When we were done, we went out into the street. Roy remarks on the fact that he's drunk and it's still light out. We round the corner to 6th street and begin trying to get everyone to high five us. The street was packed. And i had to force some people to high five Roy. "Hey, it's just a high five!!!" When we got back to jackalope , the boys were gone, to the titty bar across the street. They went there for hilarity value. i wasn't so into it, but kevin was so sweet. He was like, "I got your bag and camera and book and brought them up to the apartment." With eyes like stars, like his eyes were part of the ocean, wet and shining under the moon. Roy suggested we leave, and i was happy about that, becuase we were the only people ther and these girls were just trying make ends meet. As a waitress, i know that feeling. So we went to this underground jazz club. It was so NYC, and i felt the physical, tangible NYC vibe from these boys all night. I commented on it. He laughed at the truth. I busted out my camera and he started taking pictues of me stat, and i took a few of him. I love the pictures were so beautiful. I don't let people take pictued of me, because i'm not photogenic. But under the camera of his eye and his vivion, they came out so well.

Then we left to go back to his place. He put on Coltrane and made me LISTEN, and he did. And so i did. And it was good.

Then we go out on the balcony to smoke a cigarette and he reads to me. We went into his bedroom and he puts on Jeff Buckley from "Sketches" and nina simone and i kept thinking that, in anecdote, this guy is my ultimate man. Half Mexican, half Jew, as a matter of fact. And we make out like champs, take a shower, have the sex, take a bath for over an hour, have the sex and one more time.

And i have things i think about all this.I will tell you later. I'm not into this guy like you think i would be. He has smooth skin and a nice ass, a goofy face, but i know winning me was just that. But meeting all these guys with whom i felt so immediately comfortable with i how i win. I win. And it was good. so I did.